Right now I’m in Thailand, visiting my brother and his baby. She’s pretty bloody cute. I know everyone thinks that about their sibling’s offspring, but look at this.
(that’s her going on a boat trip, just rolling with things)
We talk a lot. Well, I talk a lot, whilst she sort of stares at me. But I’ve noticed something:
She really needs my attention. I don’t mean just so that she won’t stick her fingers into plug sockets, or try and eat the dogfood (though that is important). I mean that – even though she can’t speak or understand what I’m saying – she responds best when I am fully focused on her. As soon as I try and check my email, or read a paper over shoulder, or even (carefully) make the tea whilst she’s in my arms, she starts wriggling around and stops being happy in my company.
This Is Not Exclusive To Dribbling Babies.
When you’re talking or listening to someone, they need your focus. You need theirs.
Think about one of those awful people – you know the type: you’re at a party or event, and she’s talking at you (or pretending to listen). But the whole time, her eyes are flicking over your shoulder, looking for someone more important. Suddenly, she breaks you off, saying, “Oh I’m SO sorry, I have to go and talk to this person”. You’re left feeling used, gross and slightly humiliated.
Before You Judge – Check Yourself
That’s an extreme example, but you may be guilty of doing something similar.
When you meet someone for the first time, it’s easy not to be fully present
- You’re thinking about what you’re going to say next.
- You’re remembering your to-do list for the rest of the day.
- You’re panicking because you can’t remember her name.
All of this disconnects you, and makes you a less appealing person to talk to.
The Wonderful and Easy Alternative, That Will Make You Irresistible
- listen to what she’s saying
- maintain full eye contact with her,
- focus on the moment you’re both sharing
– it will have a huge impact.
We’re all busy people. We’re all easily distracted. If you can be the one person who isn’t – you’re going to make every person you speak to feel like the most special lady (or man) in the room.
She’ll feel chosen. She’ll feel exceptional.
She’ll feel like it’s HER who is irresistible.
How To Do This Without Thinking
Next time you talk to someone – whether it’s a good friend, the gentleman who works in the corner store, or even your baby niece – try being fully present.
- Really listen to what she’s saying
- Every time your mind wanders, bring it gently back to the conversation
- If you need to, take a moment to collect your thoughts before you respond
(this is fine. It will make you seem like you’re considering your response, which will further enforce the feeling that she deserves your best ideas).
Practise this whenever you get the chance, and it will start to come naturally.
It’s Your Turn!
Can you think of a time when someone has made you feel like this? What was it they did?
Or have you noticed the effect that your being present has had on others?
Tell me about in the comments below!
Thanks! You rule.
xx (Yes Yes) Marsha