My 10 month old Niece Is Teaching Me How To Network.

Posted on by

Right now I’m in Thailand, visiting my brother and his baby. She’s pretty bloody cute. I know everyone thinks that about their sibling’s offspring, but look at this.

Ridiculous, right?

(that’s her going on a boat trip, just rolling with things)

We talk a lot. Well, I talk a lot, whilst she sort of stares at me. But I’ve noticed something:

She really needs my attention. I don’t mean just so that she won’t stick her fingers into plug sockets, or try and eat the dogfood (though that is important). I mean that – even though she can’t speak or understand what I’m saying – she responds best when I am fully focused on her. As soon as I try and check my email, or read a paper over shoulder, or even (carefully) make the tea whilst she’s in my arms, she starts wriggling around and stops being happy in my company.

 

This Is Not Exclusive To Dribbling Babies.

When you’re talking or listening to someone, they need your focus. You need theirs.

Think about one of those awful people – you know the type: you’re at a party or event, and she’s talking at you (or pretending to listen). But the whole time, her eyes are flicking over your shoulder, looking for someone more important. Suddenly, she breaks you off, saying, “Oh I’m SO sorry, I have to go and talk to this person”. You’re left feeling used, gross and slightly humiliated.

 

 

Before You Judge – Check Yourself

That’s an extreme example, but you may be guilty of doing something similar.

When you meet someone for the first time, it’s easy not to be fully present

  • You’re thinking about what you’re going to say next.
  • You’re remembering your to-do list for the rest of the day.
  • You’re panicking because you can’t remember her name.

All of this disconnects you, and makes you a less appealing person to talk to.

 

The Wonderful and Easy Alternative, That Will Make You Irresistible

If you can, when talking to the new person, fully be there – 

  • listen to what she’s saying
  • maintain full eye contact with her,
  • focus on the moment you’re both sharing

– it will have a huge impact.

We’re all busy people. We’re all easily distracted. If you can be the one person who isn’t – you’re going to make every person you speak to feel like the most special lady (or man) in the room.

She’ll feel chosen. She’ll feel exceptional.

She’ll feel like it’s HER who is irresistible.

How To Do This Without Thinking

Next time you talk to someone – whether it’s a good friend, the gentleman who works in the corner store, or even your baby niece – try being fully present.

  • Really listen to what she’s saying
  • Every time your mind wanders, bring it gently back to the conversation
  • If you need to, take a moment to collect your thoughts before you respond

(this is fine. It will make you seem like you’re considering your response, which will further enforce the feeling that she deserves your best ideas).

Practise this whenever you get the chance, and it will start to come naturally.

 

It’s Your Turn!

Can you think of a time when someone has made you feel like this? What was it they did?
Or have you noticed the effect that your being present has had on others?

Tell me about in the comments below!

Thanks! You rule.

xx (Yes Yes) Marsha

Photo Credits: Grand Canyon NPS & Debbie Ramone via Compfight cc

You’re No Different from Anyone Else. That’s A Good Thing.

Posted on by

I felt sick with nerves. Actual, genuine, nausea. It was my own fault. I cursed myself for being so rash.

It was early Sunday morning and I was biking to the Women In Biz Network conference. I’d never been before. I’d actually never been to a conference before where I didn’t know most of the attendees – let alone one where I didn’t know a single person. Or one populated solely by entrepreneurs – something I’d only just decided to be, even though I didn’t yet have my own business.

 

My Not-So-Supportive Inner-Voice


Everyone else is going to know each other, I thought.

 

They’ll all look down on me because I don’t yet have a business, just an idea that I want one 



WHAT IF I SPEND THE ENTIRE DAY ALONE IN THE CORNER, WHILST ALL THE OTHERS LAUGH AT ME FOR BEING A BETTY-NO-MATES???

It sounds ridiculous. But when you’re shy – or, in my case, ex-shy with occasional relapses – this is the stuff that goes through your head.


Layering On More Fear

To make matters worse, day one was an ‘Urban Retreat’, where we had to spend the whole day on our yoga mat, in flexible sportswear. I did not own a yoga mat. I live in dresses, and feel exceptionally awkward in sportswear. I settled for some leggings with a comfy dress over the top.

 

People will think you’re weird because you’re wearing a dress to a yoga thing

Everyone there will know what sun salutations are and will snigger when you attempt one and you tip slowly over, like a cow that’s been pushed by a drunken frat boy

But, I’d bought the ticket, I was already on my way and, most importantly, experience has taught me that it is worth toughing these things out.

I arrived and – sure enough – everyone was in little groups talking. See? They’re already friends. They don’t need you. I laid out my yoga mat and pretended to look in my empty notebook. You know the drill: ‘Oh, I’m really busy. I’m totally cool with being all alone. Honestly, I’m fine!‘.

 

How I Got Rescued

When I looked up, I noticed a lady next to me, with an inviting openness to her manner. I smiled. She beamed back at me.

“I had no idea this was a yoga thing. I didn’t own a mat until late last night. I’ve never done a class in my life”.

Flooded with relief, I said, “ME TOO!”. We swapped names. Then I asked her about her business. She’s been running it for 25 years. It turns out she does, among other things, business coaching. I had a lot to ask her about.

 

Back To Square One

The conference officially started, we sat on our mats throughout the sessions, then it was break time. I turned to my new friend. She was busy talking to someone else. I made my way to the drinks table, and v e r y s l o w l y made myself a tea. I tried to keep myself physically open in case anyone wanted to start talking to me, but no dice.

Nausea set back in. People were sitting around tables. They all know each other. No one wants to talk to you. I quieted that voice, took a deep breath, and walked up to a table that had one free space.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“Sure, go ahead!”.

 

I asked the lady next to me what she did. Turned out (hallelujah) she was a chatter. She was happy for me to ask her questions about her job (how long have you been there? What did you do before? What do you enjoy most? And least?) then someone else on the table chipped in, they asked me about myself and we were away.

False Confidence

A couple more sessions, then it was lunchtime. Emboldened by my earlier successes, I decided I would try and find someone different to talk to. I went up to the lunch queue. The two ladies next to me obviously knew each other, and were in intense conversation. There was absolutely no way they were going to invite me in, and no one else nearby for me to smile at. The fear rose again. I slowly pretended to go and put my scarf away, came back and joined a different part of the line.

Next to me, was a lady by herself. “Hello”, I ventured. “How are you enjoying the sessions so far?”. Conversation moved on to what we’re both doing, and I mentioned the business course that set me on my path to entrepreneurship. The lady next to us chimed in, “You’re doing Marie Forleo’s B School? I did that last year!”. She and I bonded over how wonderful the course is, and took it in turns to explain to the first lady what it is and why we love it. As we were getting our lunch, our chat became so involved, that my fellow B Schooler invited us to come and sit at her table with all of her friends.


That table led to multiple conversations with people. After lunch, I had several new friends, a stack of business cards, a possible employment opportunity (!) and – most pressingly – people to hang out with over the remainder of the conference. Without the scariness of having to go up to strangers and start conversations. Or, in my case, with the confidence that now, I could try and go up to strangers and start conversations because now I already had friends, the stakes were less high. If those new people weren’t receptive, it didn’t matter so much.

 

The Big Secret, Revealed:

But here’s the thing: they were ALL receptive. I’d love to tell you that it’s because I’m so fantastically charming and magnetic, but honestly, it wasn’t. It was just because of this:

Everyone was nervous about going up and talking to strangers.

Everyone was convinced that the rest of us all knew each other.

and, most importantly,

Everyone was grateful for someone else to make the first move.

How do I know this? Because they told me. Once we were used to each other and a little looser, or in follow-up emails, people said, “I was so glad when I overheard you talking about X and I could join in to tell you about Y”, or “I was really pleased J introduced us”, or “I hate going to these things. I know I should network, but I’m so bad at going up and talking to people”.

 

Why You’re The Same As Everyone Else. And Why That’s A Good Thing.

If you can do that for them. If you can be the one to walk up to someone, say, “Hello. What do you do?”, or “How are you enjoying the conference?” or “Where have you come from?” – basically, anything to save them the terrifying torture of getting the conversation started – they will be SO grateful.

Some people are naturally very confident and happy to walk up to strangers. Most of us find it really scary. With experience, some of us learn look like we’re comfortable, but we’re just toughing it out to get over that initial conversation-starting hurdle.

If you can do this at an event, I guarantee you that 99% of people will silently thank you.

The other 1%? Too busy chatting to notice.

 

(Photo Credits: Kaptain Kobold, milopeng ,eworm, HighEdWeb and Christopher S. Penn, all via Compfight cc)

Hello!

Posted on by


 

Life Coach – Voice Over Artist – Wedding DJ – Project Assistant – Music Supervisor

Hello, I’m Marsha!

I would love to help you.

Do you feel like it’s time for a change in your life? You don’t hate your job, but are sure there’s something else out there, something better suited to you? Don’t know how or where to start that process?
I’ll help you work out what you want to do and how you can do it – in a way that is comfortable to you – here.

Do you freeze up when you hear the word “networking”? You know you have to do it, but the idea of walking up to a stranger and selling yourself seems horrible. Do you wish you could learn how to network in a way that feels natural, and even FUN? I can help you out with that, here!

 

Other Services I Can Help You With

Do you need a female voice-over with a warm, rich and unique voice?
I could be that lady!

Are you looking for a party or wedding DJ, who can get everyone on the floor – whether they’re pop-lovers, indie fiends, kids, grannies, or just you and your friends, wanting to dance to music you know and love?
I would love to make your party rock!

Do you have a project coming up, for which you need an extra pair of hands? If you need someone short term (full- or part-time), who has common sense, social skills and a hard-work ethic; who will know when to ask for direction and when to work it out for herself; who is mature enough to be completely trustworthy, but is happy to do jobs that may not be terribly involved?
I can totally help you out!

Are you trying to find the perfect songs for your TV show, movie or promotional video?
I can help you here!

Any other questions? I’d love to hear from you on marsha@yesyesmarsha.com.

You can also find me on twitter at @yesyesmarsha.